just got off the metro to throw up and got back on like it ain't no thang
really making moves this morning i see
He said he forgot to take his shoes off, and that he was a bad boy because he was walking on the carpet. Then he sang. Then he shouted "I'M STILL FORGETTING."
That feels better than graduating college or that time I tried to ride a llama. Did you know they really spit?
Well I was kicked out of the bar and woke up on a picnic table. I'd say the night was awesome!
just woke up on a lounge chair wearing a durag and holding burrito wrappers in my hands
I just told a bottle to be chill
and meant it
Was your wine and cheese snap taken from the toilet?
We don't know where he is but he left his pants and what appears to be a tooth here so he's gotta come back sometime
I'm turning into an adult here.
Adults touch each other's special zones.
I think I’ve reached sophomore-year-level of bad ideas
and you know that’s the highest possible level because it’s when I met you
RAAAAAAAAWWWWRRRRRR
THATS ME HOWLING MY ENJOYMENT OF THE THINGS WE CAN DO WHILE GETTING DRUNK
Oh hello Jordan's parents, I'm here to have sex with your son. He's in the shower? Oh great, I'll join him
I think I won an award for shitting and vomiting at the same time.
outside on the street drinkin, walked into a random house and asked to pee, some kid hands me a beer and says i have to chug it first
Same way I cope with everything else. With dildos, dunkin and depeche mode
Randomize
