**** and his GF asked me to give his stuff back, and they would give me a 100. HA, they dont know I have it to charity haha
I DID IT WITH MY SOCKS ON!
I puked in the cab and in my hair and he didnt even know
somethin' about having sex in my parents bed makes me feel like l'm finally an adult.
Woke up with puke in my bed and my pockets full of Tootsie Rolls.
Jealous.
I swear if his heart was half the size of the cum stains he's left on my sheets we would have the perfect relationship
she both took care of me and took advantage of me. it was BEAUTIFUL.
I'm worried I'm going to miss my flight so I set a series of alarms on my phone to act as checkpoints to make sure I'll be there. 2am-stop drinking; 4am-stop fucking stephanie, get some sleep; 5am-wake up, fuck stephanie once more; 6am-get to the airport
I think that "I fucked your little brother" wasn't the best way to introduce yourself.....
And really all I wanted was to be like "hey can I borrow your dick for a few hours this weekend?"
So is it safe to say that my only objective from last night is to finish this entire jar of peanut butter?
I think we might have a drinking problem when the ASU kids called us crazy
No one made them take a shot with us at the 12 hour mark. That's their bad
All I need is $1,500, a beach ready body, a bigger dick & this will be the best spring break ever.
Did you really kidnap my goldfish last night?
Trying to figure out these fractions. I bought 5 fifths of gin last week. Does that mean I have one whole gin? 5/5 = 1, right? You're having to homeschool your kids right now--so ask them.
Randomize
