It's a miracle Ok Typing texts toYou right now
I looooooove Saturdays!!!!!!!
I am absolutely hammered
He just asked me to come into his empty apartment after he called his parents to make sure they wouldn't come home while I was there. This is starting to look like a bad rape scene from one of those made-for-TV Lifetime movies.
There are thorn wounds on my balls, don't ever question my dedication to party again
i need to find a birthday card for her that tells her how happy i am that i can now legally bang her
You told him you loved him!?
I mean if he translated "Zi luve ku" as that then yes.
4 am. She strained the mac and cheese onto her legs. She has no skin.
My number one goal in life is to find out who can fill a keg with Popov
I'm wearing red that night.
Noted, what shade?
Whore.
Just got hit on by a middle-aged puerto-rican clown who told me that it would be bad to date someone who offers to buy me coffee and makes something of themselves. I love the NY subway.
I think I'm going to add the date I dumped his sorry ass as a life event on FB.
I think that's justified.
He asked if I had feelings for him while I was lying naked on the floor vomiting into a trashcan as he held my hair and fed me Pringles.
You randomly sent me a black Santa Claus emoji at 2am. I think alcohol was involved.
There's a dryer on fire at the laundromat, and everyone's just standing around taking pictures. Except me. I'm texting.
It took me longer to jump start my car and get to his house than the fucking actually took.....
his mom walked in while he was eating me out. and my vag was facing the door. luckily his face was in it.
Randomize
