So are we goin out tonight?
Dude, we woke up in your car in some parking lot last night...
And that was fun, wasn't it?
When I like her vacation photos, it really means "Im sleeping with your boyfriend." wonder if she will make the connection.
he made a bald eagle out of coke lines
It looks like the misc $300 credit card fraud might have been our taxi cab driver who wouldn't take boobs as payment. No wonder...
I'm too afraid that I'm 1. Banned or 2. Gonna be noticed by the lady bouncer I punched.
Your boobs are like a big quesadilla marker
I know what you meant. If you want babies in time for your birthday, we gonna need either a time machine or a ski mask.
In case you're wondering what frozen hashbrowns taste like at 4 in the afternoon, shame. They taste like shame.
She's blowing me while I'm watching air jaws. I love shark week.
Ok you had this coming you put a sponsored filter on a dick pic
my roommate had drunk sex above me in our bunk bed and then built me a fort to apologize the next day
I melted cheese on my pizza rolls. When I die make sure someone melts cheese on my rolls.
I miss your drunken presence, and strong odor of hard liquor and potent weed.
She kept telling me that it pissed her off that i expect people to make out with me...then she made out with me. Win?
And I think she just drunkenly ordered an ipad. she said it was so pretty she couldn't keep it "locked up" because an ipad has to be let free.
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