just did a line in a complete hula outfit off a chick in a devil costume. do you think hell will be this good?
I wasn't pimping you out... I was helping you network!
.....so he has a son. Josh. That is not his roommate
ok this is the part where i go up stairs and pass out incoherently untill 6 30 tommaorw morning and not rember any of this. love youuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuu!
Would it be tacky of me to tell the two girls I just found out he's been sleeping with on the side that I've been having gay sex with him all semester?
They told you that you couldn't fit in the dryer. Man, did they eat their words. You did brake the door though.
i did nothiing wrong other than not tell that kid his whole back was covered in puke
I went home with a guy last night because he showed me some magic tricks and kept shouting "THEY'RE ILLUSIONS MICHAEL!"
Bought pregnancy tests in bulk off amazon. Kinda feel insulted that it asked if I wanted to subscribe for regular shipments.
I know he's only a bandaid for my emotional disrepair, but he can stick me anytime!!
I'll explain later but I just had to legally commit to abstinence for the next 4 months
I woke up saran wrapped to a chair....
So it turns out strippers do encores if enough people yell. Encore song: Self Esteem.
maybe you met your husband and you just don't know it yet
and other hilarious jokes you can tell yourself
Blacking out in the security line at the airport is not nearly as fun as blacking out in the lunch line at the dining hall.
Randomize
