Just found a picture of a hobo making out with her tits...a HOBO
When you accidentally type "I want Prince William to fuck me in the ass" to your mom there's really no way to take that back.
I'm about to initiate a game of drunk UNO.
Drunk UNO has officially been banned from now until forever.
Hope you had your fill for the summer my friend, because all the cleavage has been put away for the winter. Fear not; it blooms again in May.
Sit down my child. It's time you were told of my famous loss-of-virginity story entitled, "The Penis that Never Could."
I can't imagine anything that has a removal ass flap as being sexy
Just pulled a Kenny Powers on a snowmobile
i went out at 5pm and cant remember anything until 3am...i was at the bus stop parking lot running around doing the Arrested Development chicken calls.
In case you were wondering, yes I did just watch the Katy Perry movie alone on a Saturday night. I'm so alone it makes a noise.
My breasts were aching with rage.
Yeah, but I think it would be a little awkward to explain to Mom that the girl I brought for lunch is not my girlfriend but just a fuck buddy who I met after she hit and totaled my car last month.
Why is there a cash register on top of my car?
Glass of stolen champagne in a to go cup = tastiest hangover cure ever
All I want is a hot dog on a Saturday at 2:19 is that to much to ask?!
Yah. Then he started clapping my boobs together in his hands and started shouting "the seas are angry!"
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