Wow.. I was doing a mental check of my bank balance & I literally just said to myself: 'I have 27 dollars and a bottle of tequila til tuesday-ill be fine'
don't read that magazine bro. I came in it
Just joined the godiva rewards club. Who's the fat friend now.
i'd date him for the sole reason that he thanks me after giving him head
Honestly dude, i think you should ignore the restraining order if you really love her.
OMG the post office opened my dildo! "we sincerely regret the damage to your package"
you dragged me by my throat over to the shots. this is a new level of alcoholism..
all of the sudden, the other guy at the bar who was celebrating his birthday got a super inspired look on his face and then screamed at me ''our parents fucked on the same day!''
I WILL BE THE BEST FICTITIONAL HISTORICAL FIGURE FOR THE FEMENIST MOVEMENT THE WORLD HAS EVER SEEN
I'm missing a sock, a boot, and antlers. We need to get on that.
What happened with the girl wasn't a gay thing. It was just a mutual respect and want for sex. The guys just weren't there.
Call it what you want. You fucked a girl.
One of my students submitted a thesis proposal to find the exact correlation between desire for sexual intercourse and vaginal heat.
Tell me you accepted it! This is critical fucking research!
Then I did coke with my taxi driver where he then ended up paying me for the drive. You should try being a girl sometime it's super sick.
Does the term "on fleek" apply to dicks or just eyebrows?
Don't worry about me. I am infinite.
Randomize
