dude you were so wasted last night you ate a sandwich made out of tomatos, cheese, doritos, salt & pepper. Then you heated it in the micro for 5 min to melt the cheese.
so when I got there he was dressed as jesus in a recliner drinking whiskey out of the bottle watching spanish porn. Then kept shouting dont judge me or ill judge you. we didn't even go to a halloween party.
You're the only person i know who can laugh and talk while puking
Yes, that was me on the jumbo tron. No, i don't know why i was hiding.
I feel like we had some profound moment last night, but I can't really recall much past your ass turning up the volume on the radio.
Dear god how many nuts did u bust in me my vagina feels like a bowl of jello.
I don't care if he got kidnapped by a cult one time he is a dick
IDK. when she left she was wearing her bra like an eyepatch and offering to shiver the timbers of the dorm patrol.
Don't laugh, but I might need some advice on how to ride a crooked dick.
Monday funday. I brushed my teeth with antibacterial soap. hangover I did not have.
He told me I smelled like fruit loops and then bit me on the tit
Current status: so high that I'm unable to have coherent conversation with my mom, but still knew that when my dad said "shpritzy white stuff" I understood that he was trying to think of "whipped cream."
That text took me 10 minutes.
All I want is dick and wine.
Remember that Czech tennis player I brought home from beer pong and banged on your couch last year? He just booty calle me. From the Czech Republic.
She dropped the call after she told me she doesn't want to hear about how loud he can scream.
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