jacking off on stolen wireless... gotta enjoy the small things in life
Well if I fail my finals for being drunk on Cinco De Mayo there is always next year to graduate.
You said that last year...
It's official, no more fat chicks or even close to that, my balls are 2 dimentional
Mr. Clingalot just ran from our apartment. What the hell?
I started to cry afterward and mumble random things. Examples: "God, please don't make me be so gay anymore" and "my mom is going to be so proud of me for fucking a dude this time." It was that or let him stay the night and cuddle. I mean, fuck that horrible shit I'm a girl that needs her space.
Hindsight: Dressing up in nothing but a bra, booty shorts, and police tape made for the most awkward walk of shame of my life.
I was just laughing and almost crying after I orgasmed, and then almost crying because I was laughing so hard. That's new.
Does he think you're psycho?
Officially...... yes.
We were debating whether you had hooked up with him. I was right for the record.
My ninety day supply of adderal just came in the mail and I literally just dumped all 180 pills into my hands and laughed like a maniac. Shits about to get cray
Also topless tea is a thing that happens in our apartment. Ready yourself.
Yeah but if you conceived a child on a park slide that would be pretty awesome
I fucked him twice and then he set me up with his teammate. This kid does wonders for me
Some mornings I close deals. Other mornings I puke out my window while I’m driving down the highway
The neighbors in the apartment above us are at it again. The roleplay this time is cop and prostitute. I give it 30 minutes, you? Already sounds better than the last one
Drinking wine while working. Yay.
Just had sex at the YMCA.
We are so productive today.
I look over and the both of you are naked, and he's eating chicken nuggets off the floor
Randomize
