What are you talking about? And how drunk are you?
Both
we saw you sitting at the door of the dorm trashed, wrapped in DANGER tape with a stolen balloon around your wrist
I only wish the guy being lead around by his cock at the drag show was the weirdest part of my night.
Mystery solved: The table is broken because I had sex on it last night.
It is too early in this hangover to be seeing some guys ass crack.
Do you remember trying to use a pencil, pen, and sunglasses as your second form of ID at the bar when they wouldn't let you in last night?
Sounds good. Stay safe. I'm kind of drunk in a Food 4 Less right now and I'm having the time of my life.
I wish your snatch was here
If my snatch could sprout wings I'd fly to you
it's taken me 3 hours to eat this pudding cup. I think I am melting.
If I don't get my shit together, I'm going to be one of those really fucked up cases on 1000 ways to die
woke up with empty beer can still duct taped into my fists and the word "dove" written on the back of my neck
The only person I have to bring is crazy hospital guy
HE'S NOT INVITED!!!
This is like 50 shades on steroids but with healthy relationship models and mutual respect among all parties involved and lesbian activity.
You challenged a dog groomer that she couldn't cut human hair ... How's the shaved head
For the love of god, if any of you are up, bring me pants.
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