I decided it would be a good time to smoke on one of my deliveries but then I got the munchies and ate a piece of the pizza I was freaking out so I told him it was our new pacman pizza
The look your mother gives you when she sees you masterbating on web cam is unlike any I've seen before, but this is a case where, I would say, ignorance is bliss.
Just saw your girl from last night... Be embarrassed
The "don't get cum on anything" rule also applies to my furniture and scarves
That's not technology. Doesn't count.
...Saturday night. Get your dick ready. We are going to go nuts. I want to have sex fucking everywhere.
I am lonely and I want to touch your beard
Based on the time of Sean's "I'm on your street" phone call last night, we had sex for an hour and a half. Man, time flies when you're getting boned to an orgasmic death.
I just got my hands on some dry ice. How do you feel about coming home to a mystical wizard toilet?
What wine did you feed Jack? Might not want to waste the good stuff on kitties. Kitties only get box wine.
I think these people may actually be nudists. You know it's bad when I feel uncomfortable.
I have a rage boner right now. An actual erection brought on by the amount of sheer hatred I have towards nationwide.
Last night I woke up and the national rep of his frat was sucking my toe.
Youre having a picnic
Yeah but all we have is vodka, so it's getting a bit out of hand.
I have experienced an excessively hairy ballsack in my mouth...and it was horrifying. I keep feeling it in my mouth now. It's like hairy ball PTSD.
So please don't worry, but I need some help getting blood out of my drywall so I can get my security deposit back. I would not ask if the need was not great.
Randomize