He said i was a degenerate twofaced catholic slut and a grade a bitch. Quite complimentary really. i guess i shouldn't insult the red wings
Oh my god. Just had sex with this girl on the boardroom table at my work at midnight (win!) just realized I left the condom wrapper on the table (lose!)
I thanked her for the handjob she gave me in the middle of the night. She had no idea what i was talking about. I think she sleep-jerked-me-off. Im def sleeping over tonight too
I keep forgetting that I only have two nostrils.
If youre the one that ate my brownies this morning I only have two things to say to you
Those had pot in them
And good luck on your interview asshole
Is that a polar bear? You seriously grinded with a polar bear at the club?
Denial and avoidance are my survival strategies for 2013.
Denial, avoidance and beer.
Tell me again your tentative move date. There are 5 Russians in my apartment on ecstasy and they are having a rave in my living room. I can't. I need to move stat
We dug deep emotionally while eating cereal
No more weed for you
He said he was Greek American and that is why my legs slammed shut. During the World Cup there are only Americans.
Did you ever think you lost your bong and then you find it in the weirdest place? I mean, who leaves their bong in the shower?
Dude, you got arrested for trying to direct traffic with your dick....
I just masturbated at work... Don't know why but I thought you should know
Where are you? Where am I? Why am I so red?
the funny thing was, all i remember was a liter of vodka and going to oneonta for the night. then 2 weeks later bam, i get a letter banning me from campus for the next 4 years. awesome convorsation with my dad to wake up to.
Randomize
