Capitaan dildo arrescate!
I just farted for five sidewalk sections! New personal best.
Who wants to bang the sort of girl you can get with Axe body spray??
Remember when we were mad at her for brining her mom on spring break? She just won the wet t-shirt contest. I think we owe her an apology.
what's with the bloody hand print on the hood of your car
Were playing bathroom attendees at the party and making people wash their hands
i made a dollar
You never did explain why you were in wal-mart with a wok full of popcorn.
why the fuck are my pubes caked with bread crumbs?
You know it's time to cut back when your unemployed drug dealer roommate tells you that you party too hard.
After we were done the second time she turned to me and called me a Hardcore Armadillo. Also, her O face involves crossed eyes. You tell me.
HOW IS IT EARTHLY POSSIBLE TO DO THAT MUCH DAMAGE WITH JUST MY THUMBS?? HOW???
This time last year I was crying in a church parking lot without shoes or a bra, so the years can only go up from here
she said that no one there was hot enough for her so she then proceeded to give the passed out person a lap dance because he was "her type."
The dentist walked in on me trying to bottle some laughing gas to take home with me. That high.
Block me from your phone tonight…I need to get laid tonight. But you've been being a douchebag. So not by you. But I might call you. So block me.
WHY WOULD I COCK BLOCK MYSELF???
Randomize
