My Nuvaring birth control makes me queef.
i'm crying at olive garden. i've hit rock bottom
Doctor said I have sports induced asthma.
Call me old fashioned, but around here we call that "out of shape."
Just because you were able to pour the entire bottle of wine into 2 glasses does not mean you took it easy last night.
Second night back. Go to house party and played ring of fire. Me plus five other people completely naked. College wins.. It's going to be a long semester
I find out next week of the Australian was lying about his vasectomy or not. Keep your fingers crossed!
she shotgunned a can of v8, threw the can on the ground and said, "fuck bitches get money" then passed out on the spot
I call it a party but only because that sounds better than 8 people getting drunk around a pool.
Ps we ordered a pizza at the pool today and I dropped the entire thing in the pool. We still ate it. #canthang
I told him that I wanted his dick like I wanted a jumbo hot dog. There something wrong with my priorities
Is it bad form to spend company money and place an ad in the paper because I wanna nail the sales girl?
I just asked him what would happen if my boobs fought crime. I think I'm cut off.
Let's just wait to see what happens before we start making radical plans and starting fires
You kept licking me last night.... and said I tasted like jello. Next time, lay off the jello shots, okay?
No way man ... This is real life. Complete sentences and everything.
Randomize
