I haven't been laid since Bush was president.
She refers to my dick as princess Sarah... oddly I'm okay with that.
What hospital were we in last night? Insurance needs to know
Can we skip lunch and do power hour sex time from now on? I'll let you eat nachos off my body if you really need the food.
you were yelling that somebody needed to take your bra off with such enthusiasm my first thought was that you were on fire.
I remember it because it was right after the sadness and right before the sluttiness. The calm before the storm if you will
I woke up this morning and the lid to the back of my toilet was missing. Dahfaq do I do with this shit?
Did you hear about Miss Teen Delaware? From the snippet they played on the radio, I knew exactly what porn company it was from. Maybe I should cut back
To drink from my fkask next to a cop car or to not drink from my flask next to a cop car
Does Jesus have blonde highlights? Pretty sure I saw him in a lavender shirt and Sperry's.
He came over apologized for his lack of sexual skills. Cleaned my kitchen cooked me dinner. And gave me another one minute stand. I think im okay with this
logically I know i should probably study somewhere outside my dorm room, but if I do that then I cant drink and smoke half as much while i study
I don't care if he's the coolest coworker, if he's living in his mom's basement at 30 you should not buy drugs from him
As soon as he called me 'darling' in that Scottish accent... my pants just dropped.
Apparently swingers are magnetically drawn to me?
Randomize
