i just woke up in a strange room and the first thing i saw was a chewbacca mask... wtf
So I had sex in the woods... it was just as dirty as you'd expect it would be.. and not in a good way.
When I got to his place, he served wine and cheese and made me sit on the balcony while he read his poetry to me. He cockblocked himself.
i stalked him back to the creation of his facebook in november 2008. that bad.
So high. I just took a picture of my chewed gum so I can remember to paint a picture of it as a cloud later.
The moral of the story is do not hire me because everything will end up smelling like pickles and I will not sufficiently clean it up.
He just sent me a picture of himself naked while cooking pancakes and he made the caption "bitchin' in the kitchen"
A few days ago I apparently came up, asked her to make me soup, and handed her a can of coconut milk.
Her mom is a nurse who got called in to declare someone dead. Just got wing manned by a corpse.
My lunch = taste testing salsas for A&P. They gave me a free 64oz grape juice as a thank you. So, now we have something to drink in the house. So while you are spending all the money on breakfast rolls and pizza for lunch, I'm cigaretteless and whoring myself for tablespoons of salsa and free juice.
I should be rewarded with oreos for not turning into a raging cunt.
Why is our fridge full of girl scout cookies and rum?
You told me to go grocery shopping.
Charging my vibrator at work. Pray to god I don't forget it!!!
He said I was so drunk and high that I had a conversation w/ his goldfish. The video shows me clearly conversing as if talking to a person w/ pauses in conversation and everything
Intelligence report: the hot sister called you gross, the sweet sister says you're dumb, and the smart sister says all the other men she knows would have to die for her to hook up with you.
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