Dude if it is possible to orgasm from shitting i think it just happened.
you texted me last night and told me you couldn't find the toilet.
That explains the puddle of pee in my closet.
I imagine the nuva ring like a bug zapper. It just kills them all.
i jus dunped the rest of my drink down the sink and tool my bra off. pretty sure this is the best decision for everybody.
We tried to get a ride from the same firefigters that were turning off the fire alarm going off at our house.
there is no way i can order from that cashier at in n out after she tried helping me while i was drunkenly puking in their bathroom at 11 am
i'm having flashbacks of crying and telling you i was made out of egg salad.
Ugh. This is the type of hangover that all other hangovers want to grow up to be.
Yes. We drank 3/4 of a handle of vodka, fried and ate a 3lb package of bacon, I tackled the neighbors snowman, made snow angels in our underwear, and then fucked all night. Christmas success.
One day this summer I just wanna get blown under the hot sun all day.
Deal. Roof-top 69 on Saturday, July 20th. I've got it in my calendar.
last thing I remember was someone walking in on me sitting in the bathtub listening and singing along to Britney spears "Till the world ends" on repeat.
I'm gonna write a book. Almost Awesome: all the times I ALMOST got laid.
I just ordered a "football meatlong" from subway
He's balder, I'm skinnier. I win. I. Win.
Is there a tactful way to ask "how are your balls?" Or do I just ask point blank
Randomize
