you're like the ceasar milan of boners... you understand them on a different level.
The only good thing about ohio is that i can get 2 half gallons of soco for 40 bucks
Ever since I got married, I've become the MacGuyver of masturbation
His texts read Like a 15 year olds diary.
just overheard a conversation that ended in "and that's what I learned in France" How could that not have been about sex
yo everyone went to the hospital last night
haha the sad thing is i can't decide whats worse. the fact that you're drunk judging a science fair or the fact that i'm really proud of you for it.
The only way to make beer can wizard staffs any better is to sew your own wizards robe and hat to go along with it. welcome to tuesday nights at my new apartment
Dude. I am seriously trying SO hard not to be amused by Honey Boo Boo. But the fact is, she just got a mani pedi with her gay uncle Poodle, and he got a discount because he only has nine toes, and I am ALL IN.
Well he can play the xylophone with his erect cock... So he's got that going for him
We proceeded to buy tattoos from the dollar store and interpretive dance to of monsters and men, it's safe to say he's my new fuck buddy
I didn't even realize I grinded on a security guard last night. Shit. Did he at least like it?
I think I should just be a madame. Fuck it.
I'm just gonna post fliers on telephone poles like, "who wantsta be a hooooooe?!"
At leat we can cross off 'having sex in a classroom' on our bucket list.
Nothing wrong with a little cat scratch fever. You have toys?
A few, plus a dildo molded from a porn star that I've always been too intimidated of to actually use, but it's the apocalypse, and momma didn't raise no quitter.
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