Kay wants to put chicklets in our cooters to make beavers and take pix captioned Got Wood? Taking public transit does scary things to her.
I just pulled the condom that i lost on tues out of me at work ewwww!
I just got a 45 minute blow job...she literally sucked the single life outta me.
u sound so gay right now
And if not, hey- I've never had a restraining order before, so that will be cool
It could be our claim to fame
Done. I'll pack a cooler.
i cant cry in cvs. not again.
Protip: If you slur the word 'tipsy', you've progressed beyond tipsy.
josh has a chalupa in his pocket if you're hungry.
New term. "Find a husband" fridays. It's like thirsty thursdays, but with a dowry.
Periouds do not concern me. Biploogival needs are buological needs.
My new successful method of booty calling is sending a screencap of a map with the shortest route from their location to mine highlighted.
I just need to drink whiskey get off and eat some cheese. Why is that so fucking hard for god to deliver.
You know you went through something intense when you actuallu applaud yourself for not shitting your pants
He took a girl home at like eight, fucked her, kicked her out, came back to the bar, and repeated the process again at 10:30 and 2:30. THREE GIRLS IN ONE NIGHT. ALL PICKUPS. I HATE HIM.
Just threw up mid-poop. I can't drink like I used to.
Should I be concerned that he called me mom when I got in bed on top of him?
Randomize
