Thursdays are my worst days
but now we sippin champagne when we thirstay?
I just ran from Santa Claus in Kroger
he keeps calling me but I'm too scared to answer... Not sure what he's gonna yell at me for: barging into his room while he was with another girl, filling her shoes with dog food and water, or hiding his keys in the garbage disposal.....
I'm watching this guy on intervention hospitalized for liver damage. He's drinking the hand sanitizer in the hospital room. Say hello to your future.
We can't all go after the girl with the low self-esteem
BIGGER SANDWIJH COME NIW OR DIE
He sent me an email apologizing for sleeping with her...and by that I mean he sent a picture of his dick to my school e-mail
He has pizza coupons and a hammer next to his toilet.
You shouted "FUCK SHANIA TWAIN" and then downed an Aquafina bottle of white wine none of us knew how to react
Just because you can put your penis in it does not make it "good stuff".
Don't talk to me about scholarly dedication until you've taken a final in boxers, a bloody tank top and a zip tie to hold your hair back. I wear the most sullied 4.0 crown of all time....
Like what did he say to his host family? The girl I causally sleep with on the weekends is coming over?! And they thought "well lets feed her dinner"
Also I'm proud of us for having an educational conversation in this group text.
thanks for supporting my whoreish tendencies
He puked all over the side of the car and the head rest behind him...and then all he said was "America."
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