Remeber, hes got nothing better to offer you than drunk words and hairy balls.
No. I still stand by my previous statement that nachos and tequila is the breakfast of champions.
Locked out of the apartment with just a box of wine way to begin the weekend.
I just saw a Kleenex commercial and thought about last night. I'm sorry about your hair.
I honestly get shocked all over again every time I pull his pants down. It's one of those feelings you never get tired of.
Slutty costumes are my most sacred holiday tradition! Wearing a not-slutty costume is like putting cheezwiz on a communion wafer.
From scraping the remnants from a coke bag at a lingerie party to meeting with an 80 year old man to discuss civil rights all in under 12 hours bizarrely feels like the epitome of my life
Please say a prayer for the elevator people at work today. My farts are significantly more potent the day after hitting that korean place for lunch...
They wont sell alcohol here on election day! HOW THE FUCK DO THEY EXPECT ME TO ENJOY THE ELECTION SOBER?
So your brother is gay after all... Just caught him making out with my brother... Apparently he's gay too
Of course that's what I'm wearing. I need to find a beard to mount and ride STAT.
you bet i'm gonna rock his four-foot-two world.
Success! We fucked roommates!
Don't forget to grab a pregnancy test and sloppy joe mix for tonight
it was like 6 shots in and he was automatically my type
Randomize
