Omg I def was not. I wasn't that drunk. I showed that I stuff my bra but I didn't whip my tit out.
its a long story involving jim bean, an owl, and a knife
I saw you try to drink out of a soda machine at taco bell, don't worry about judging
at the hospital. he locked himself in the kitchen, said he was making beer batter shrimp. don't know if it's the mercury poisoning, alcohol poisoning or second degree burns they're holding him for, but i've got a pretty guess.
The pastor just stopped the sermon to lay hands on me. THAT hungover.
Ok in all seriousness. Alcohol intake is now restricted for me. I found handcuffs in my trunk.
I. recorded a message of me yelling at myself to "get up out of that bed" and set it an alarm. REALLY loud
He and I are in a competition of who can sleep with the most people at work. We're tied at two. I could win this if they'd stop hiring damn straight girls.
he sent me a green and gold dick pic and advised me I needed to come drive the snake from Ireland.
My idiot ex texted me on Valentine's day to tell me I was right, he did need a therapist.
Better not shit yourself at the gym.
I tried to face swap with Chuck Norris. His face was too powerful... it broke my snap chat.
so at target i bought condoms, on sale undies, pasta roni, and martini mix. the old lady who rang me up asked "honey are you a freshman?" yea lady i am, thanks.
Please stop telling my mom she doesn't have nipples when she's been drinking. You know shell show you. Forcefully.
Mandatory face masks - finally, a solution for lip augmentation failures and bad breath.
Randomize
