I just washed champagne and tuna off my body. I feel like that was a successful shower.
Theres a picture of you hanging up on the wall in mcdonalds, i'm impressed
Nope she woke up in a hotel room alone on 55th street. A guy in a lamborgini gave her a ride this morning. She was walking barefoot home
when was she peeing in the stairwell? why dont i remember this?
....because generally we only remember 40% of the night each, and have to fill eachother in. And that still leaves 20% that we will never know and its probably for the best
If 26 stitches didn't sober her up, nothing will.
Do I not have a Brazilian bc of my boyfriend situation or do I not have a boyfriend bc of my brazilian situation?
He wouldn't let me ride him with a Ninja Turtles hat on...
Drunk me made out with someone's girlfriend last night, was invited to their place for a semi-threesome, and then walked home at three am. Can't decide if this is better or worse than drunkenly challenging everyone to taekwondo sparring matches...
I just told my mother my "if there are drugs I'm only taking them if I don't have to pay" rule and witnessed her perception of my shatter and crumble behind her eyes.
I tried to light my cup as a bong. I'm done drinking
Why put me through the conflicting battle of being happy for your vagina but sad for my vagina for no reason ahole
If anybody had to puke on my shoes, I'm glad it was you.
I don't think he understands that his kid doesn't bother me. I have a binder full of developmentally appropriate early childhood activities.
Either go for divorced men who are forty plus or stop doing this immediately. You are 23 years old. You need more wine and less baby fever
You date? I thought you just hooked up with your TAs
PSA. Do not shart while wearing a jock strap at work. That is all.
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