dude if i could bring that prime piece of meat home, id be the luckiest average-looking girl who ever lived
She was so drunk yelling at me in my driveway to fuck her. It was the ghetto version of Romeo and Juliet.
He insisted on sleeping in my bed. Had he taken all of my obvious hints I would have sucked his dick. He only wanted to snuggle. My world has been turned upside down.
You left a trail of sequins from your dress incase we got lost
There is a pube in my fucking eyeball
Fuck. The basement bathroom I've been getting head in for 6 months just went 'Out of Service'.
omg i hate the new neighbors. why cant a bitch just be hungover in peace on a wednesday morning.
Found my bike today. On top of the garage. I'm not even going to ask myself why.
Just think of your bundle of joy thats on its way. And how hes gunna rip your vagina apart
Die.
Just got a 15 minute lecture from a drag queen about how bisexuality doesn't exist. Cher would be so disappointed in her.
Wake up. Eat bread. Find your dignity. Don't be late for work again.
I don't need no damn man when I have the cock-a-nator 2000.
Hey.... can you explain to me why when I woke up this morning my cell phone background had been changed to me getting a piggy back ride from a drag queen?
Today's hangover is brought to us by Sailor Jerry's and your dedication to my alcoholism.
I refuse to shit my pants for anyone except Cher and Christina Aguilera!
Randomize
