I'm home alone watching The Hills seasons, eating pickles and drinking straight rye. I just googled "how to make friends". Probably not the most pro-active solution. Help.
24 hour fitness called offering me a free trial stating that you referred them to me. I told them you have been taking pics of naked guys in the locker room and selling them online.
That's not a bad idea, actually...
Just turned my microbiology homework into a drinking game. The words are getting blurry but I think we're really bonding.
I just saw a dude get out of an ambulance with nothing but wallabees on
you were sitting on the floor cleaning up your own puke and telling my mom she should hire you as a maid.
Just proof I should've brought the airhorn with me to class.
Were going to have to vacuum the bathtub, great party
I feel like death gave me a hand job
my binge eating and her being stoned all the time has reduced us to a bowl of chinese candies, frozen bacon and a stick of butter, we do however have enough alcohol to start our own liquor store.
Reunion weekend was a success. Had 3 ex's inside my vag. Hat trick!
For an hr, you were convinced you no longer had a right arm so you played Super Mario Bros with just your left hand vs Beth. You won btw, mite b why she refused to wear the unicorn head
I'm watching Trainwreck with Jeff and realizing that I'm the John Cena in my relationship.
I appreciate the fact that you sent me a snapchat of your dick soaking in a cup of water.
So you can now add nose to my list of places that cum has gone that it shouldn't...
You literally snort drugs up your nose and you’re questioning the brand of the multivitamin right now?
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