I did the walk of shame to another booty call
I don't think that should turn me on, but it does
made out with the bouncer to distract him from how illegitimate my fake id is.
I'm not a creep or anything, just a lost soul looking for a good lay
i swear to god even though i took those meds before coming here i did not hallucinate zulema silently throwing up into a breakfast burrito
Yay for living on the edge. I'm trying this new thing where I stop mom-arming people and promote bad decisions. It's working quite well.
javelin tossed one of my crutches in to the mosh pit at the concert, hit some dude in the temple hahah fuck him he sucks
someone needs to name a hurricane after you
Ok fine, yes she's pregnant. But you're ignoring the most important part. HER BOOBS GOT BIGGER. That doesn't happen every day, and I owe it to myself to enjoy those boobs before the belly catches up to them!
you'll probably come home to me baked as fuck and shirtless
idk how I feel so profoundly understood by someone whose latest tweet is "labia majora's mask." but I do.
Do you have Pokemon Go yet? I just caught a Clefairy on my walk of shame and feel way better about myself.
His dick is a spiritual experience and meditation is very important to me.
I also fell asleep on the side of a tree so like I hit my lowest point there but it was a good time
Not as bad as when you were sitting in the pond getting fed water
My cats name is now jello shot. How much do you love me right now?
Like sorry your dick won’t suck itself?
Randomize
