his facebook status quotes britney spears so there is always that
waiting in line for my ID. the kid in front of me reaks of hopes and dreams and hornyness-- freshmen by calvin klein
OMG HIS EYES ARE POOLS OF SEX. HOT SEX.
If they weren't representing Obama and the White House, they definitely would've punched me in the face.
You were so drunk last night you left the bar to go buy a razor so you could go home with him
Naked chocolate chip pancake making. I just spilled mix all over the place. My boobs are covered in flour. This is not going well.
Killing two birds with one stone tonight: mastrabation meditation. Win win.
I got with him in my watermelon costume so ya you owe me $1
Oh, now I remember why I deleted your number. You're kind of a dick. Please delete mine.
ill give you some hints: blood, carnival, fog machine, happy meal.
Somehow I went from sitting in a car upside down to waking up in the grass surounded by paramedics. It was a great night.
I. Love. Skype. Sex.
I think it's just been too long since actual dick has been inside you that you only THINK you love skype sex
If I don't get alcohol poisoning from tonight I don't think i ever will.
Legit just looked at the gin bottle and said, “Aw fuck, I’m going to feel this in the morning.”
Pro: 2020 made it easier to hook up with strippers
Con: explaining to Kari why there’s always strippers at our house
Pro: there’s always strippers at our house
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