He was drunk at Denny's at 5 am saying how Dear John was the worst movie he has ever seen... eyes filled with tears.
he asked if he could put his cape on while he was still inside me.
He's more than prepared to help us move. Dude brought sunscreen, cans of Coke, and Captain Morgan.
Would you feed me pudding while my fake tan dries?
Called my ex last night, told her I wanted to bang like we use too, her fiance was in the car, I was on speaker phone. NO MORE TEQUILA!
Did she say Ok?
Well, I found the missing blow... in my fucking suitcase... THIS MORNING. Yeah, I flew from FL to NY with blow in my suitcase yesterday.
I told you to check, dude
Yeah, AFTER I checked my bag and I was already sitting on a plane. Oh well. I figured worst case I'd do like 15 hours in county and I was totally prepared for that anyways. I always prepare for that when we hang out.
If I could run through a field of Reece's and Oreos, dive off a milkfall into a bowl of cereal. My Life would complete.
It's amazing where one well timed dick pic can get you in life.
Thanks for launching me off you reverse cowgirl. I think I chipped a tooth.
They had like literally all the dildos. It looked like a seance for dick. I left the apartment and haven't been back.
When God made him he put all his talent in his dick. What he lacks in brain, he makes up for in loin.
You took a bite of the snack wrap put it down and fell asleep and when you woke up ten minutes later you asked how it got there, dipped it in soda ate it and fell back asleep.
I think I deserve an award for the breakup text I sent him. Like a pulitzer prize or a donut or something.
Just saw a car towing a guy on skis drive by so that’s how Syracuse is doing today.
it was like 6 shots in and he was automatically my type
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