I may just buy something cuz i have 6 weddings in the next year and a half.
Holy shittt I don't even have a bf
He looked like the mexican version of Steve Carrell with a unibrow.
I woke with a ring of glitter around my dick.... I kinda don't want to wash it off
how do flat chested girls get laid?
My cha cha got a haircut
thank god. going down on you was like chewing on astroturf
He lit his shirt on fire at the bar by putting a lit cigarette in the pocket to "save for later."
Every shot buddy I have I end up blowing. I don't know whether this pattern is good or bad.
The thumbs up barstamp on my hand is mocking my hangover with its positivity.
He is dating a girl who is on the Olympic shooting team...I've never been so scared to hit on a guy with a girlfriend in my entire life.
NATIONAL GIVE A BOSTON COP A BLOW JOB BITCH ROAD TRIP NOW
that pic of me and the hulking football player sure does come in handy when creepy guys hit on me at the bar.
Today I found out that my boss keeps a breathalyzer on his desk for just these sort of shenanigans
You said "I'm not gonna waste my last condom on you" last night.
Does this cleavage amount say, “Fuck it, I’m over dating, let’s just fuck?”
I seriously just rolled a joint on my high school diploma. I feel like I've come so far.
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