Bring booze and chicks. Separate, or one already in the other. Your call.
She's never allowed to turn 21 again
Fuuuuck. Forgot it's October. FYI scarecrows are gonna fuck you up when you're driving high
I knew it was different as soon as you told me you slept with him and didn't tell me about his dick
We convinced you to take a shot out of the sponge...there were still suds in it.
he's drinking beer at home in his underwear tonight and if you want to come over the dresscode is underwear only. And you have to bring beer.
the amount of chicks and firearms here is unnerving. this will end awesomely or at the morgue.
Trying to take a nap and my brain decides to play "lets have flashbacks every time you blew it with a chick in college". It's a montage of stupidity and youthful inexperience. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
Your boyfriends underwear are hanging from my kitchen window. Where the fuck are you?!
Ran out of eye drops right after putting them in one eye. Half baked at work.
guess who got crunk and thought it would be a good idea to give herself a pixie cut?
THOUGHT
If you could not mention to him that I slept with his best friend, that'd be cool of you.
I woke up naked wrapped in a wolf blanket on the bathroom floor
THEY HAVE BEEN GOING AT IT FOR 2 HOURS AND I HEAR THEM BANGING THIS IS BULLSHIT
my Mom is now my Eskimo sister... she fucked my ex in my bed and took a selfie
Randomize
