why is there cat hair all over my deoderant?
she wanted to smell more freshershest than you.
Been in the ER for 3 hours now. This hospitals transition to paperless is not going well. But my doctor looks like Elton John and just gave me percocet
Omg 230 lb butch lesbian with a mustache grabbed my dick. I need an adult
I knew it was going to be a good night when i heard another girl call his dick "Thor's Hammer"
Mandatory 420 Adventure Time.
This is why we're friends.
i miss freshman lecture halls much harder to take shots in a class of 20
Is it malicious or apart of the healing process if I wipe my ass with his toothbrush?
if masturbating while stoned isn't called "weed whacking" then i just don't know how to live my life anymore
I seriously have her in my phone as "Legit 8"...even I'm surprised
Nipple rings and loofahs DO NOT mix.
All I remember is allowing my uber driver to pull over on the side of the road to give me a massage. I was alone
I almost had sex at the fire station last night and I need you to acknowledge all the awesomeness that is in that sentence.
Girl I'm contemplating picking up some adult diapers. That's how bad this is and it's only day 2.
I feel like any time there's that much rope, lingerie, and horse masks on the ground, it's safe to say it was a great night
It is NEVER not funny to me when I am sitting at a table and I've touched the dicks of every single person I'm sitting with.
Randomize
