So at what point while he was throwing up on the girl next to him did you think "yeah, im going to hit that"
He doesn't need a wingman, he needs a miracle
I just watched a girl in the library pull a vodka bottle out of her bag. I think I'm going to give her my number.
It all boils down to, who else do we know that is willing to buy our friendship?
I dunno what he did but it both burns and feels amazing to pee
He sent me a snap chat of his naked torso with cookies over his nipples. Like.... that does not make me want you homeboy.
He offered to buy me free breakfast if I stayed at the hotel overnight with him. I then realized they have a complimentary breakfast.
Woke up this morning with Nerf Bullets stuck to everything in my house and nut in my belly button. What exactly happened last night?
I just put vodka in my apple sauce. Spice up your fucking life.
He used the term 'cock-staggering' in an email. So needless to say things are going pretty well.
If anyone needs me I'll be in the bathtub, eating fast food and shooting straight vodka while I seriously evaluate my life choices and cry.
My hair tie broke, stole my one-night stands daughters pink sparkly one. BEST hair-tie I have ever used...
stupid neighbors doing stupid yard work with their stupid kids when i want to do drugs in the backyard
You need to get out of there before he falls in love with you.
sad thing: we were only a shot away from an orgy. good thing: we all got laid.
Randomize
