Let's just have a brief moment of silence for my dignity before we start tonight
swear to god, just saw some chick dressed in a full chicken costume buying eggs and telling the cashier that she "just wants her babies back."
buy whatever she's on. a lot of it.
Someone just pulled taco bell tacos out of their purse in class....2 problems with here. 1) this class is nutrition 2) taco bell is not open this early.
Referring to yourself in third person during sex is apparently an instant turn off
Dude's from Puerto Rico. Majoring in Spanish is like us majoring in drinking with a minor in watching Forgetting Sarah Marshall.
And after getting thrown out of the frat house, getting carried up the hill for a half an hour, puking 5 times, and almost getting stopped by campus security, she still insisted he sleep with her. Gotta give her credit, even blacked she kept her eyes on the prize
I'm doing somethin that's never been done before...the 10 am booty call come over
No. I'm too high for this. I gotta focus my mind for my future Hooter's interview
Ok in all seriousness. Alcohol intake is now restricted for me. I found handcuffs in my trunk.
Is it socially acceptable to stop at the strip club for the lunch buffet on my way to the airport?
You work today? I woke up with a raging boner that was whispering your name
I wore pigtails while I was having sex with that 22 year old just to make him feel like a pedophile.
I'm touching everything in your apartment with my penis.
just learned i can hear my fish chewing his food WHILE HES IN HIS BOWL. im going to have to call you back.
Left my wallet at the store. Wouldn't have noticed if the joint I just rolled wasn't in it.
Randomize
