broke, out of weed, out of gas, out of food, and my gf just left me.
you're writing country songs now?
I saw an Asian dude carrying a patchwork denim purse get into a car with two rednecks at the grocery store tonight. Imagine what I could have seen if I had actually done something interesting.
Hi. I probably already told you this mid puke, but thanks again for babysitting me last night. How did I get in the car?
Agreed. And i highly doubt it could be awkward. You do remember our introduction was a direct result of you mentioning your affinity for my genitals, right?
Pretty sure I scared him off for good. The lesbian in me is ecstatic.
I was scared that I should know him but I was too busy blacking out to remember
Excuse me while I download incredibly disturbing porn until I'm more ashamed of myself than of my country.
We've been walking through the woods for two hours, he just keeps taking pictures. At least we'll remember this tomorrow.
Visiting Houston was a good decision for my penis.
A gay dude just spanked me with a nicholas sparks novel and called me foxy. I'm putting this on my resume.
A guy I hooked up with YEARS ago just endorsed me on LinkedIn for "customer service".
I have an empty apartment, Chinese food, and fresh batteries in my vibrator. There's nothing on this earth that could lure me out tonight.
You just kept looking down at your tits and screaming "I LOVE YOU TWO!!!"
I've realized that my life is a cycle of high that is only broken by sobering up at work, which only happens because I can't smoke more
Wow first he impregnates you then he won't send you the sex tape you made together? Where has chivalry gone?
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