dude i just saw the hottest 13 year old but she was kinda ghetto.
Only in Montana can you find Septic Services that would display "Christian owned and operated" on the side of the truck. I'm oddly going to miss this state.
A stripper just got mad at me for saying goddammit. She's in no position to lecture me on morality
you are the best fuck buddy i could have, all the others get feelings and morals involved
We were sexting and then the radio announced robert pattinson would be playing kurt cobain in a movie and it totally killed the mood
I'm wayyy too drunk to be in a parade right now
hes trying to draw the periodic table on his chest with a sharpie. i'm not sure how thats going to help him on his chem final, but he keeps shouting "this is how the pros do it"
The bouncer was kicking me out and I put up my finger for him to wait while I chugged the rest of my drink..all he could say is "are you serious right now?"
I think I just inadvertently started a sex competition with my roommate and her boyfriend.
I think i just fucked the same guy a second time without realizing it....does that make me a good whore or a bad whore???
Our penis' have led to more networking than mark zuckerberg.
Ugh. I guess I'm crying loudly or something. My mom just came in and gave me milk, chocolate, a Xanax, and her weed "for the break up blues". Her ways of affection are so odd.
It's a long story, but I accidentally peed on my dog. I'll tell you about it tomorrow, and we shall never tell my wife.
I associate the Game of Thrones theme song with his dick now.
Let me set the mood for you. Do you remember Britney Spears in her Hit Me Baby One More Time era? Well I just fucked this college girl I shit you not her name is Persephone and she looks exactly like Britney Spears back when she was hot. I might be in love.
Randomize
