I found the seven page love letter I had written you. I'm sorry i was so obsessed.
Soo....this goes on the list of odd coincidences. My gyno calls me while I'm going at it, leaves me a message. I check it later... thank God I tested negative.
I wish they made portable blow up dolls for girls.
It's called a dildo, genius. Go to sleep.
franzia sundays are my new favorite holiday
she's sitting here naked with heels and a taco.
Either he was jacking off or having a seizure next to me in bed. Either way, I was too lazy to help.
You put Smirnoff in your grape juice and called it communion...
Spring Fling is on 420. The theme better be 'Flower Child'.
I want there to be fog machines and unicorns.
My life has become one weird ass game. No one wins. No one loses. We all just kind of hang in limbo and hope we don't die. Eskimo sisters for life. Please have sex with one of them.
Dude he downed 9 shots of tequila, sang bohemian rhapsody with 3 randoms Wayne's world style, solo'd closing time, chased the hot bartender's dog all the way to main, tackled him, carried him back, hot bar tender hugged AND kissed him, then he does a jumping heel click and leaps into my car through the window. Next rounds free at the yeti. Needless to say your little brother is a tequila god.
Basically.
last night i reached the point where my boob implants paid for themselves in free drinks. to celebrate lets go out and get more free drinks tonite.
I feel like I beer bonged a ton of asbestos
walked into my room this morning clutching two empty bottles of sminoff to find my roommate's ultra conservative parents staring at my posters of naked men. fuck parents weekend.
He doesn't wear a seatbelt. He votes Republican. He has a small dick. That house of cards just fell apart.
They have one of those claw machines here... with a dildo in it...
Randomize
