Do you think if I drink bleach they will let me leave work?
I stuck it in and pulled it out
Did she like it?
She giggled?
She liked it
I tried making the sex a little better this time so right before I blew I yelled "ready or not here I come!"
Booyah. Found 8000 pesos in my closet and that's apparently 608 US dollars
You kept saying "sir officer" which would have been polite and helped you if it wasn't a female. She was pissed.
i shall enjoy my approximately 2 hours of being sober today
And she was like "I wanted you all for myself, to love you, and treat you like gold."... See this is why I shouldn't fuck Italian chicks...
You do realize there's a subtle difference between not remembering your outfit from april 17th of last year vs forgetting that last night you undressed in the street and were grabbing every dick you could reach, right?
My goal for the weekend: procure a blowjob using only stern glances, hand gestures, and crudely-drawn stick figures.
Topless Tuesday? One of us will be really happy the other not so much.
When you can't finish your jumbo margarita and figure pouring it into a to go box will suffice... Midnight snack?
I think everyone at the office can tell I'm dehydrated
you mean still drunk
I've heard it both ways
So were driving two hours to go to a club and Charles packed me a sippy cup full of tequila. He thinks of everything!
Don't drink and try to take a shower. I thought I was drowning
Just so we're clear, drunk and naked is not appropriate attire for Thanksgiving. Do it this year and Grandma will ban you for life.
Randomize