I haven't been laid since Bush was president.
I don't know. The next thing I remember we were in the walmart parking lot making out.
Just turned rock'em sock'em robots with my little cousin into a drinking game. Im drinking bourbon hes drinking hot chocolate.
Theres a disney princess moonbounce on karen st. and I'm drinking beer at a little league field. this might end with me in jail.
Making and watching you take a mixed shot with vodka, chocolate syrup, tobasco sauce, cranberry juice, and sundried tomato juice wasnt the highlite of my night. Hearing you puking from downstairs was.
You kept trying to throw the grocery cart off the balcony.
Yeah, he has a kid now! Shit... You know you're all grown up when the people you used to have threesomes with become parents
I don't care. I'll text you about my butthole whenever I please. That's what you signed up for in this relationship.
Yeah I went home with her... She had me take off everything but my shirt and from across the room goes, "Now dance. Just dance that dick over here"
Almost to my house to grab beer. And pants.
Well don't pass out under a Swedish flag and people won't make assumptions
I need to sanitize my soul.
I use my feet as sexual weapons
there's a giant awkward home-wrecking elephant in the room. and its name is meg.
dude the water is back on, you can stop shitting under the tree . . .
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