i wonder how he feels talking to my mother about jesus with a condom on his dick
so he tried to quietly tell me my Tampon String was hanging out in front of his family but i didn't hear him so he yelled it
i dont even know how to be here
I don't give a shit about soccer but I'm really excited about drinking at 7 in the morning
got extra credit for showing up to class before a holiday. it hit me 5 minutes later that she meant easter....
And then I passed out in my towel and was woken up by my roommate introducing me to her trick for the night.
2 men making out for 2 seconds to trick a cop so they don't get arrested for being pulled over rolling a blunt is not gay.
Well. I went to a frat party where they mixed gin and Mountain Dew. My kingdom for some olives and vermouth.
I feel like vibrating beds are just synonymous with venereal diseases.
Do you ever just feel like you can feel hormones radiating from your uterus?
Question: When you have the names of 4 guys tattoo'd on you, how do you make the 5th one real special?
Trying to figure out why my back is hurting. And then I remember I got fucked up against a tree last night
Maybe singing about how you'd bang Morgan Freeman to the tune of Single Ladies while holding champagne and a box of Cheerios wasn't the best first impression on his parents
I was running because his wife invited me to join them on their kinky Vegas weekend. Crossing state lines is too much commitment for me.
She said cowgirls can can pee standing up and proceeded to pull up her dress and drop her underwear.
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