Hard rock hotel, wtf why am i still out, im gonna fuk 5 chix 2nite .maybe
Hey sorry for feelin' up your date. Sadly, this is a mass txt.
I making dinner, so you might want to actually come home tonight.
oh, you finally did the dishes then?
No, bought new ones.
the cops didnt even wait to start drinking the confiscated alchohol from the party
Lost is over, my longest committed relationship is coming to an end.
Coming home soaking wet at three am and trying to convince the front desk man that we came from the library might have worked if I wasn't also roaring at everything.
No no no no no. Not interrested. She looks just like Kim's fat booth picture. Only real.
I was fingering her, she was moaning, and we were singing Mulan
I dont think she was a real nurse but she was good at it. wish I rememebrd her name
Woke up the next morning in an 8 year old's bedroom. Saw my bra swinging from the spiderman ceiling fan and decided it would be best to dip out w/o it.
Russell brand is gross. Everytime I see him I just wanna give him a bath. He's like a used condom.
We woke up at 7:30am. We got a 30 rack, yelled at all the freshman shackers walkin back to their dorms, played a game of beer die, and boned all before 11:00am. I found my soulmate
I'm going to be fiscally responsible and buy a handle.
This Christmas I would like to thank Jesus for cocaine.
He ate me out in the warehouse on a pallet of sunlight soap. I fucking love night shift!
Randomize
