Holy jesus god. My teeth taste like street.
It really wasent that hard. The male one had a M and the woman one had a W. I just couldent comprehend that at the time.
I either just got cockblocked or saved from a lengthy court case so I'm kinda conflicted about how my night went.
I managed to convince him it was his fault I cheated on him...he spent the last 40 minutes going down on me. I feel legendary.
I found the perfect eye liner, it passed the blow job test, no smudging!!
She somehow inhaled a tack last night, she's having surgery today.
We had sex in the tent after his 6th beer and while we were at it we had conversations with the people outside the tent.
That just sounds like a recipe for sex in my backyard. Yes.
You disappeared for 10 minutes. Then came back with nothing but your boxers and a life jacket on to tell us we were all screwed when the flood came and you would be the only survivor.
Got stuck at my fwb place for three days because I decided sex was more important than my safety in the weather. Worth it.
I just met a drunk old lady with a bedazzled life alert alarm around her neck. I love casinos
Just woke up in a Price Chopper bathroom stall with a half eaten cake on the floor. Had to get a ride from the waitress I made out with. What happened to "Don't let me drink Tequila?"
I lied.
I really need to stop turning to the BDSM dungeon masters of tinder whenever my heart hurts
I feel like I have the I just lost my virginity face and everyone at the grocery store knows it.
My hairdresser won’t do keratin treatments because of the toxins, but will put ecstasy up her butt at festivals...
Randomize
