Man, ugly runs in her family
yeah, big time
i think i just witnessed the elusive male walk of shame
Anyone who says sunshine brings happyness has never woken up with the worst hangover of their life to their window being open and it being a bright shinny day
we literally hit three floors of our apartment building searching for condoms. also got macaroni.
So I paid for the taxi using pennies and hair clips, no need to thank me.
This stranger told me I should "start playing for the other team" and then continued to talk to me about the joys of being a lesbian
I want to throw pennies on her stage, or just ripping up a dollor bill and throw them one at a time.
Nothing says "Good Morning" like Jell-o shots and coffee cakes.
The 3 year old I'm babysitting is the first guy to tell me he loves me sober in like 2 years
I'm more of a 'talk at me while I stare at you' kinda girl.
He called me twice and texted me at 3am. Guess absence makes the dick grow harder.
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
I'm not sure what exactly you were planning, but you kept yelling that we were going to need a lot of midgets and a lawyer.
All I can taste is Pickle Juice and Cocaine.
If I take a couple more shots I won't even know he's a Mormon that drives a motorcycle
Randomize
