So my Christmas cards this year will be my mug shot with my kids face photo shopped next to me....too ghetto?
i guess i had fun last thursday night because when i got on the drunk bus this thursday night everyone immediatley started chanting my name and telling me to do a bus flip
whats a bus flip?
idk but apparently i invented it
And for your info. Don't pee outside with glow sticks. People will still see you.
I always figured rock bottom would've involved more hookers
I told him I'd go cook him breakfast, but ended up passing out on the kitchen floor in the fetal position spooning the dog
All i've had today is coffee and ketchup packets. I need a job like yesterday.
I remember seeing his penis I just dont know exactly what I did with it
threw up outside of the dorms in the parking lot in the pouring rain on the first day of class, i'd say summer is off to a good start.
She's trying to put on her dog muzzle on her self
When was the last time you made a good decision when you could've made a shitty one
I had a salad today
Screwed a girl without a condom but hey at least you got your veggies
So to recap Superbowl Sunday - I won $100, bumped into the anti-christ and his cult, met a guy in a kilt and a wican, then got invited to a gayguy afterhours party.
Gonna be tough to beat that next year!
WHY ARE THERE SO MANY BURPS IN MY SMALL, INCREDIBLY ATTRACTIVE BODY
Dude, putting on underwear straight out of the dryer is the greatest thing ever. It feels like I wrapped my vagina in a warm blanket.
ARE YOU OKAY?
Physically? Yes. Morally? No.
We need a rematch, I think my pussy was on vacation the other night.
Randomize
