Don't upload the drink o meter to your google calendar. Somehow binge drinking looks even worse with a time stamp.
She's going to get preggers, drop out of school, and end up working at mcdonalds. Great for our mcdoubles habit but bad for her future.
I found a fingernail in my vagina. A fingernail.
Nm. Exausted and my teeth just fell out again
One good thing out of all this is her ass is huge. Like Australia Big.
Hardest I think I've ever had to work for a shack. Whatevs. Still gonna get my way though. I'll start respecting myself on Monday
Hi this is the guy from the cell phone store. Your Dad just upgraded your phone as a surprise. I didn't tell him about your topless pics on your phone. I transfered them to new phone. Nice rack!
I've started day drinking because fuck everyone else
So I've been spending my morning trying to figure out if there's a corealation between Wednesday margarita night and the boat that's now in my living room.
How many nights in 2015 can we have no one get injured, run away crying, or get into a brawl?
Yesterday I went home with one shoe, today I go home with three. Fucking win.
Um that's okay I got up on the table at IHOP and terrorized the entire restaurant for a phone charger after I stole the whip cream from the kitchen and started eating it out the can
I was sprawled on his bed and heard him and a girl walk in the apartment. I jumped out the window and am walking down main street wrapped in an american flag blanket. Can you pick me up?
Facebook just reminded me of the time I found two IHop cheese sticks in my hand bag. Those were the days.
Come over here. Bongs and porn. I found the promised land
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