The human being growing inside of her was a mistake. Lets just hope the boyfriend isn't.
I didn't slap you in the face. TEQUILA slapped you with my hand...
Have you ever slowed down next to the oldest people on the highway while getting road head just to see their extended reaction?
since i spend so many of my nights sleeping on the bathroom floor i think im going to remove all toiletries from under my sink and replace them with a pillow and blanket.
He came out in cowboy boots and underpants holding a beer while he hugged my mom. I love Montana.
The horrors my penis has endured I wouldn't wish upon any man.
we probably should not get naked in my neighbor's garage again. just sayin
Please tell me you're not playing strip poker with your cousins again
I had to rename my dildo. I met a little kid who named his teddy bear the same name. It just felt wrong.
You put on some guys Birkenstocks that were abandoned on the dance floor overtop of your flats. Then ran out of the bar high gives the bouncer and said "look at my new kicks" then he was like woah wait a minute someone is missing those and made you return them. You were very upset
He left for work so I drank pickle juice from his fridge
i just hope we're both dead or in prison at the same time
I need to you to send me drugs via FedEx
Nah, we’re just sitting around talking about different kinds of boners
There’s an entire generation of people out there who didn’t grow up watching Mr. Rogers and it shows. These Boomers need to get their shit together.
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