I just ran from Santa Claus in Kroger
Considering he believes im part of the 2016 us curling team id say hes pretty drunk
i feel like everytime i say im going to quit drinking someone comes along with a better idea about drinking
Aaaaand I just watched him face plant in front of the taxi. This is why we don't invite him to margarita night.
is it bad that my walk of shame involves the church shuttle?
he was cumming and all I could think about was the pathway of sperm the in penis. thanks a lot nursing
Just walked into McDonald's and a bunch of fat girls gave me a look like I just entered their territory.
I was just laughing and almost crying after I orgasmed, and then almost crying because I was laughing so hard. That's new.
Does he think you're psycho?
Officially...... yes.
If you could watch a water balloon run... That's what it's like watching her run.
They're either celebrating their tax money or trying to kill each other.
That is romantic
Well sometimes you just gotta put your dicks and pizzas together to show you care
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. It doesn't matter what it's about. Last text was about a homeless dude
He was really cute! And I know but it's just like getting my fix ya know? He's basically a human vibrator.
No, I barely made it home last nite. Kept telling cab driver I live across the street from Susan Sarandon?? Thank god her coop addy is posted online.
lord you gonna make me abandon my soup for tasteful catboy nudes
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