Hey guys thanks for lettin me crash at your place for the weekend, I had a great time. PS I got three quarters of a hand job from an asian on the dance floor last night. True story.
I like that we make it a requirement to howl at the moon every time we get drunk together.
He offered me a ride home but i walked. He lives by an elementary school so a 10 yr old safety officer helped me across the street during my walk of shame
Hate the very realistic pregnancy dreams. Like my dream when I birthed the pirate ships. SO REAL...
6 margaritas later and free shots of tequila, i woke up with a fat lip and they said i blew my nose in a slice of bread
It was ths the worst 15 minutes of my life. . . It was like fucking a warm stick of butter.
You know it is an interesting night when the 911 operator calls you
I'm pregnant.
The fact that this number is not in my contacts is giving me hope it's a wrong number???
This guy keeps going off in the metal detector. When is it appropriate for me to punch him in the throat just in case?
you never know what sharing a kayak could lead to
It's true
There is a severe lack of banging on that itinerary... I'd like a revision on my desk within the hour
You declared that afternoon sex will be referred to as "wet naps" from now on
Is it too far to say to someone "you're useless for everything besides sex"
You made me take you back to Mcdonalds so you could yell at the guy for not giving you enough ketchup packets
I vaguely recall french fries...
You then proceeded to call your mom and tell her you weren't coming home because you were "tripping balls"
Sweet...
I knew the bike rally would be fun when I saw "male pole dancing" on the schedule
Randomize
