I told her the white crusty stuff on my boxers was frosting not cum. She seemed MORE grossed out then
he texted me at 1 in the morning to ask if i wanted to come over and play in the snow with him
at least he gets points for a creative booty call
he'll be my respectable boyfriend for tksgiving and i'll be his non-slutty girlfriend for christmas.
and then ....
he stays my gay friend and my parents think i'm not a slut.
I'm gonna need a helmet and adult supervision by 9...
I'm still not completely convinced I'm not pregnant. I just dipped beef jerky in cream cheese frosting.
The only reason we got away with streaking last time was cuz we had those miner hats
It's 1 AM and there's a guy outside my house belting out Bennie and The Jets. He stops in between verses to puke. I'm joining him.
After the nose/jizz incident i think our relationship can handle anything.
I flashed a party boat full of Asians yesterday, didn't I?
Come over. We have tacos... And girls who took their clothes off. But mainly, tacos.
he's the only real guy friend I've had who I've never made out with
Excuse me while I take my birth control pill for today to prevent getting pregnant from hearing about your sex life
You don't come back from leaving a bag of shit on someone's counter Jill
Dude how about today while I was on lunch someone died in the break room at work....I didn't even know we had a break room!!
Hey long story short Grandma needs bail money.
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