i love how people use prayer to talk shit about eachother in a 'holy' manner.
When you come back do you think I could print anorexic pictures of Mary-Kate?
God gave me these boobs for a reason other than for people to throw things down them.
One fish gets drugged and suddenly I'm labeled a bad pet owner. This is so unfair.
Repeat the weekend mantra. "I like boys with teeth, I need boys with teeth, I deserve boys with teeth, I will have boys with teeth".
Just explain how I got from the bar to a house I've never been in, waking up to a cop in uniform ripping a bong
Today needs to die. The mail delivery guy watched me throw up in my yard while taking my chihuahua out in Christmas pajamas at noon. Low point in my life.
I can't believe he let me cut his hair as stoned as I was.. I think I even cut my own hair too
When I woke up next to him on the living room floor, my glasses were broken and it felt like someone rubbed a cactus all over my vag
I woke up in a chipotle parking lot with an industrial sized box of condoms and a bag of dounut holes. I need Jesus
Don't remember our skype call last night too well, but did I pee while skyping you?
We tried to do sophisticated last night, but our low class kept shining through.
Dude, naked camping ALWAYS takes precedence. I would skip my own funeral to go naked camping.
Alright I'd bang a 4 sober, It's been like 3-4 weeks or how ever long 4th of July was ago. I wanna fuck something.
4th of July was 12 days ago. The date is literally in the text you just sent.
I don't care about the dates I just wanna bone something.
I don't care how hot she was. She didn't like Scooby Doo and I don't fuck with that.
Randomize
