yeah it was kind of like, i'm 27 and still live in a frat house.. you honestly expect me to have "moral fiber" and a "conscience"
The best part of listening to lady gaga while high is that any word your brain puts in is right.
He was sweet. He even warned me that his dick curved, and I quote, "more than a banana."
when she said she was from California you started sobbing. You begged her not to melt your popsicle because you paid good money for it and you just wanted to eat it in peace.
So basically i got outta bed and started peeing on the a/c unit..when my roommate tried to stop me i looked at him and said "i got this"
shes the only person ive ever met that could make "i don't swallow" sound sexy
She's trying to master eating with her feet. She said it was be she "always has to be prepared."
i'm having taco bell mild sauce and tums for breakfast because i'm hungover and thats all i can find. it's like thanksgiving up in here
So it's always a good weekend when you don't get any sleep, try opening a bottle of wine on rocks, and end up needing a tetanus booster for our stupidity... Same thing next weekend?
I just got my hands on some dry ice. How do you feel about coming home to a mystical wizard toilet?
Please show REO speedwagon ur boobs for me.
He lit a candle for the mood and ended up lighting my hair on fire while we were hooking up...moodkiller
Apparently the cops had to handcuff me in order to get me to come with to the hospital with them. They asked me if I had had any experience with handcuffs before and I replied, "Only in bed." What a life
the only fun thing to do here is drink beer and make mistakes. i feel like im in college again
He just kept going down on me. And he was all like, do you mind? No motha fucka, who would? All of his ex's, apparently. Whatever, he's a gem and I'm keeping him.
Randomize