I was eating out this girl yesterday and when I finished, she asked me if I wanted to take any home with me. She was serious, dude!
What does that even mean?
drunk doesn't even begin to explain it. dude called him and said to bring you back because he'd already called dibs.
I havent jerked off in so long, my dick literally prevented me from rolling over in my sleep this morning. new definition of painful?
Been at work for four hours and just discovered the chairs in my office double as a napping surface. Most productive thing I've done all day
You insisted that you sleep on the bear rug instead of the couch. You said it was lonely and you kept on petting its head.
At the time, making out with dudes for keg money seemed like a genius idea. Now I realize it was borderline prostitution.
i offered her breakfast shots. she politely declined.
I swear, he has the body awareness of an acid-tripping quadriplegic.
I'm not taking advise from someone who responded to the pickup line "I have a penis"
As your attorney I advise you to rage rapidly
I just want to like fall into a pit of hot wings beside a keg of yingling and eat my way to freedom
you don't even have a vagina so you don't get to tell me what to put in mine
If a clean cut ginger with a flannel and tattoos shows up at the apartment, he is allowed inside.
I don't need no damn man when I have the cock-a-nator 2000.
It's been so long since I had sex I might propose to the next girl who will sleep with me.
Randomize
