AIM automatically accepts video chats on my laptop. I found this out when I got a text from Jacob after my first attempt at drunk lesbian sex saying, "I'd give it a 7. You need to work on your positioning." I think I'm single now.
living well may be the best revenge, but it doesn't hurt that my exhusband is now dating a BEAST.
i just realized that the oil change sticker on my windshield is a day before the last time i had sex. I've driven exactly 10500 miles since.
you need to get laid.. and an oil change.
I'm really proud of her, she waited until she was on tiled floor to start puking on the ground
you're wrong. we DID have sex last night. just ask your roommate. you seriously don't remember him asking to join us?
He referred to his cock as "The cock" like it was third party or something.
OK am i seriously the only one who thinks Cocaine Tuesdays is a bad idea?
to instagram or to not instagram the picture i took of when i shit in the urinal
Having to grow a landing strip to cover the bruises from pole dancing. Thanks for the birthday present, but next time, maybe just a gift card?
Didn't get carded at the bar. We're getting wasted and then walking over to Bass Pro Shops to watch the indoor ducks swim around. And possibly buying a tent.
He's attempting to seduce me with thanksgiving-themed sexual metaphors... It's working.
I thought I was really making her scream. Turns out she had a Lego jammed in her lower back.
i woke up between my boyfriend and his sister and i don't know if we fucked or cried together
I peed on his bed and he still likes me. #keeper
We were playing fuck marry kill and he was eavesdropping so I said I would fuck him
It was like catching dick in a barrel
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