It was like a spaceship landed and 1000s of hipsters filled up the park
just drew up plans to mow my front lawn into the American flag for world cup. that high and patriotic.
They let me out of the holding cell just in time for me to get the morning-after-pill. Rock bottom feels even worse with all those hormones.
Woke up with my foot jammed into a VCR
the best thing about long term relationship is that the fact that i bothered to shave my legs today counts as a valentines gift
New discovery: pineapple flavored vodka. Life made, liver in jeopardy. Graduation t-minus 50 minutes.
do you think this outfit says "I maintained my dignity this weekend"?
just found out I was hugging strangers at the bar last night. there's photographic evidence. I know none of them
I definitely think in addition to buying paint ball guns this summer we should invest in a breathalyzer. That way every drunk night turns into a competition, who can blow over the legal limit more. The loser gets shot while hungover. Shit goes hand in hand if you ask me.
me and him got disney princess makeovers at disneyworld. this is why gay guys make the best friends.
I don'y know if I should feel accomplished or disgusted. I just ate a dozen cookies all to myself. I'm leaning more towards accomplished.
Trust me, I'm a professional lesbian.
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like picking cocaine boogers out of your nose at your parents house.
I have rug burns on my nipples. Thanks for being an awesome wing girl.
Were we still high when we decided to break your leg?
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