i'm really high, and this is sooooooooooo important. how many frosties does it take to fill a bathtub?
We should never set our expectations higher than pizza bagels cause then our night is bound to get better
Turns out they use me as an example of What Not To Do at freshman orientation. My little brother told me.
This is a dangerous game of "whose life is more pathetic".
im sitting in a tub with a sombrero on.. im just kind of confused.
apparently they wrote a song entitled "butt slut" about her... im thinking shes not girlfriend material.
There are taser marks on me. Your face flashed before my eyes when i woke up and saw them.
i slept with him so i could steal the screens out of his sink faucets for my bowl when he went to sleep. not because he's funny.
I will be sticking my dick in something this weekend. You can either be that something or not. Your decision.
I don't care if there's a party or not. I just want to be half naked in a cape with a never-ending supply of alcohol within arm's length at all times. Make it happen.
He asked us to wake him up with a strobe light. We had it going in front of his face full power for half and hour and he didn't even blink.
I think we can say happy hour is successful when you have frosting and southern comfort in your hair.
Margaritas just taste better when they're bigger than your head
I got to my internship late... with a bag of chipotle and sex hair.
I'm trying to behave my vagina this week so I can at least pretend I'm honoring the sanctity of marriage
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