break up sex still means we will always be broken up.
i wanted to go smoke pot, so i told my mom i was getting tutored. she asked what time i would be back, i told her learning doesn't have a curfew
oh btw spread eagle is not an appropriate phrase to use in a scientific presentation. learned that the hard way
Just got kicked in the balls by a girl in tap shoes. Fuck EVERYTHING
Next time i try to unbutton my R.A's shirt with my teeth, please stop me
No promises.
once she started licking the door on the stall, i got out of there and told her bf "this is your problem now" and walked away
my night ended in me puking all over jenna's bed, then me trying to wash the sheets in the toilet.
Tempting. But I already used the alcohol poisoning excuse at work this month. No way he would believe it a second time...
oh dear god, that would be like watching to female walruses mate. We need to stop going to that lesbian bar...
Every concussion has its silver lining
We get drunk and make out in different places. Is that what love is?
Also I just took Ritalin with coffee so if anyone wants to know what numbers sound like, I got you
What procrastination leads to: I have submitted a third of my job applications this week with a BAC that would get me arrested
I HAD TO PAY A COVER FOR THE FIRST TIME LAST NIGHT. My tits didn't get me in and I was so pissed.
I knew the bike rally would be fun when I saw "male pole dancing" on the schedule
Randomize
