I just counted my steps so I know when you start looking for you on my way back from the bathroom
You know how us drunks love counting steps
get home. someone threw up in the fishtank last night.
is it bad that i have made the decision to never travel to vienna simply because of that transvestite that won the bachelor?
dont start drinking without me
I looked at him all bewildered and he said, "what? I figured if it was under 30 seconds it'd be free."
They conduct scientific research memoirs about what sort of shit happened last night after I ate those cookies.
Doing lines of coke through pieces of licorice. Because I can
I remember saying your puke looked like a jellyfish and you got very offended.
Random thought: what if being devoured by animals was a death penalty option...and you got to choose the animal?
If I ever see that bitch it is going down flavor of love style
Someone brought brownies to work and I was skeptical to eat one then I remembered I was at work and there is no way there is weed in them. Haha I'm blaming you for that.
I don't need to know how horny your mother is, hun.
Just did body shot off a midget. Pretty good start.
Nooo. I was entirely happy pretending that my vagina only existed for peeing and releasing Satan's waterfall.
No it's a real cult, with original ideas and shit like that
...okay, you can't just say 'masturbating llama' and not explain yourself
Randomize