I called the bar to ask if they found my Id and credit card and they remembered me as 'the girl who signed her receipt in blood'
I need to not be around brick walls while intoxicated.
Pretty sure I saw a dude across the room give this girl the international hand gesture for "I'm going to fist you later", she seemed ok with it.
Will you come get her? She's trying to get the pizza guy into the bathtub.
Has now officially visited every ER in this city in one semester.
Yes I want to fuck your friends but it's out of respect and love for you.
I can promise you that this new years eve will rival the one from senior year when we got that exchange student deported.
You were so calm and collected as you strolled out the door with 40 mcdonalds cups in your arms. It was legendary.
Heres a quick tip! When getting black out head from your girlfriend dont come to and say "wait... wheres my girlfriend"
I only had ten dollars. So leave it to Katie to somehow makeout with the bartender, on his shift mind you, and get free drinks.
I really wanted to pound but her roomate was making mac n cheese n shit so I was trying to time her moans to the drone of the microwave
Thanks for putting up with my drunk friend last night. Its all fun and games till someone pukes macaroni under your fridge.
The girl who comes up after me always strips to Lana Del Rey. I didn't think working in a strip club could be any more depressing.
Fucked him in his sketchy van in the Applebee's parking lot. In other news, my dry spell is over.
Coming straight to your house after the flight. If not in Federal Prison for disobeying peanut laws.
Randomize
