Wanted to apologize for chris browning you when you were on my computer.
My girlfriend went down on me and as she did she hummed the theme from star wars and pretended my dick was a lightsaber...I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
you know you've been in a long relationship when u start retiring sex toys
all i remember thinking as i was puking my intestines out is : wow.. this toilet does look like it's from the future.
I bet you think you're really funny for switching my line of coke with a line of protein powder.
I try to help out whenever I can. Speaking of rough nights I woke up half naked on Brady's couch with bloody paper towels duct taped to my foot.
Apparently she came home completely covered in mud, pretending to be a bird...and she still had more sex than any of us this weekend.
want to meet me after class and possibly get arrested for indecent exposure?
This girl just swallowed a pealed banana whole. I'm not worthy.
Is it possible to just pretend that everything we did after grilling up your goldfish didn't happen?
I'm not trying to be dramatic but if someone makes you choose between getting a Brazilian or dying. For the sake of your sanity just fucking die
Yeah. Moral of the story: Don't mace yourself. It sucks dick.
Do you think I could get someone from tinder to drive me to the airport?
Dude come to her party. Someone just took a body shot of rubbing alcohol
just woke up on the floor with a bottle in my hand. and by bottle, i mean a baby bottle. half filled with tequila.
Randomize
