So... how did lowering your standards work out last night?
beer pong: waldo and ernie vs. bacon and eggs... i love halloween
did all my christmas shopping this morning at 4am drunk. never went to sleep. i was walking home drunk last night when i passed a target and saw 3 kids having a dance off. had to join. somehow they convinced me to go shoopping with them. i bought 4 disco balls and a lava lamp.
The iPad is going to make my porn collection SO much more glossier... thanks steve jobs.
The panties match.
I'll be right there.
no normal human would even think about making waldo slutty but you
I wiped my blood on their walls screaming "IT'S NOT MY SECURITY DEPOSIT!"
He kept dropping hints about giving me crabs. Like he called my pubes a nest and said he "hoped there weren't any eggs in there."
Someone just told me I could double date with them and their dog as my date. This is why the suicide rates are so high at the holidays.
got fuckng wasted at spring training, got a lap dance at le girls, got a burrito at filibertos, and still made it to my 5 o'clock eco class wearing a bikini top....I love Arizona State University
She described me as " a caterpillar of adorable quietness that exploded into a slutty butterfly" She definitely nailed it there
new district manager is here. you need to come in early
5th mimosa says otherwise
he only noticed i dyed my hair purple like halfway through sex and he looked really shocked and he just said "You look like Barney." as he came.
On a brief change if topic, last night I dreamt I got shit faced with bill Nye the science guy and we went bar to bar and explained the science of alcohol to everyone who'd give us free drinks. We wore bow ties
It's been THREE DAYS. Why do I still have the munchies?!
Randomize
