also, made friends with this 75 year old millionaire Tony who likes to mosh. Don't ask.
Hey it's Austin.
I am not drunk enough for this conversation.
just saw a girl with a lower back tattoo of the boondock saints prayer.. i will marry her
Tonight is one of those "I'm wearing a shirt as a dress" nights because I need to get laid.
I ended up giving him head, i think it was mostly a defensive move so that he wouldn't discover i was wearing those onesy spanx
he sent me this 10 second long video of a gorilla eating a banana on my phone. no explanation. I didn't even have his number. just. a gorilla eating a banana.
She stared for a good 10 seconds before calling my dick "awe-inspiring", and then proceded to give me blueballs. All in all the ego boost made my night break even
It's that time of the week again where I begin to ponder life's great questions like, "What will my pathetic excuse for a future look like?" and "Why tacos?"
I don't have to hold her hair back as she blows me but I do have to hold the ball on the Santa hat
Never thought going to McDonald's alone at 3 AM would end with a blowjob outside some random girl's apartment...
apparently I like to do this thing where I wear pretty dresses and then pee on things on public. Picture proof. Four times last week.
In fairness you've introduced me to a lot of people I've only met once, for like 5 seconds, while drunk
Answered a bio test question bc of watching phineas and ferb. Remind me to always drink when studying.
I know right. I don't even want to have sex today. I did anyway but that's besides the point.
Just fucked my ex's brother. It is clear I dated the wrong one. Is it wrong for me to continue to fuck this one?
Randomize
