I just smoked my last bit of kief with a grill lighter. This is what crackheads must feel like.
Do you want the really bad news or the bad news? Or do you want it in chronological order?
tonight i'm going for the "i fuck with the lights on" look
I just wanted to clarify that I am not bisexual and had no intentions of ACTUALLY penetrating my roommate with a can of bugspray.
We fucked to techno music while he wore shin guards... best sex ever.
thank you for reminding me that I stumbled into a public place drunk at 9am wearing a chicks pants.
you know you have a brother who cares when he hands you a piece of pizza before you pass out from too many bong hits
He has pizza coupons and a hammer next to his toilet.
All I am going to say is this: I woke up with lots of bruises on my knees from running around on all fours being a 'dinosaur'. Either girls night in went terribly wrong or terribly right.
Fingerblasting some girl on the deck tryna get her to fuck on a lifeboat
Sounds like she has 4 first names. Like a sad version of Ricky bobby
I was giving him a blowjob but we had to stop because he started crying when his cat walked in and started staring at us
Free stuff before I even put his balls in my mouth like wow great start
For some reason drunk me always leaves sober me a banana in the morning.
don't take this the wrong way, but I'm not drunk but I need you to take me to the ER and you're the most likely to not be drunk now.
Randomize
