Either your mom needs to stop making spagetti or we need to lay off the anal. I cant tell you how much im in pain.
Spagetti cuz im not giving up the other one.
i decided not to call her again when she started singing "goodbye my lover" as i was walking out the door..
Apparently "he pulled out..mostly" is not a valid reason for thinking there's no way i can be pregnant to the nurses at the student health center.
i mean, some people chug beer and some people chug hard liquor. some people have good ideas and some people have bad ideas. it's all about perspective.
So my birthday was awesome. Only remember 45 min of it but I woke up with a girl on the couch and a half bowl of ground beef
It seems like every guy I've hooked up with all end up hanging out together, its like a cult.
I might come over. Something about you makes me matronly and I have this urge to nurse you back to health with soup and a blowjob
I'm gonna take my bong and hot box the pirate ship in the daycare playground.
Youre the drunk baby that everyone wants to take care of.
Your heart is a swirling cauldron of blackness that does not pump blood but rather a sludgey mixture of evil and broken dreams.
No it's only my right leg that feels like it's about to fall off. The left is fine.
Idk dude I just feel kinda weird masturbating in my Obama Biden 2008 shirt...
You grabbed your house keys, threw them at the door and asked, "did it open?"
We'd like to invite you to our threesome! Lingerie is encouraged and drinks will be provided. Next Friday, roommate night, my bedroom. Hope to see you there!
He couldn’t find my clit with a map. Literally. I drew him a map.
Randomize
