Haha so apparently that girl last thought I was you the whole time, and in the morning realized you weren't the one she fucked. Thanks for your help.
im like that movie w. ryan reynolds, no ones ever going to date me unless they're forced to marry me.
and then he said "my sister has the same underwear!" please come get me.
Last night we hooked up in nothing but out UK shirts during half time. Never say I'm not a dedicated fan again.
Semi hypothetical question. Do you think its physically possible to bruise your clit?
Gooodnight my beautiful sex angel. Much luvz for joo, etceteraz
I gave him head and we watched Fashion Police. somehow it wasn't awkard.
Indeed. The kind of morning where puking in someone's shoes is not frowned upon
Couple of things: my nipples are blue and knowing that at some point I'm going to have to poop is incredibly terrifying
Ryan got so drunk he gave a hobo $20 and I had to zip tie him to the bed so he doesn't out stupid himself
It's gotten to a point that when guys say "I'm gonna cum" I've developed a habit of responding "dooo itttt" in a deep voice. #isthatweird
Sorry it's taking so long, it's harder to take an ass pic with an iPad than you think
do you remember yelling out "insecurity makes my pussy dry!" unnecessarily loud at the bar?
we're at the bar celebrating my ex bootycall getting his new gf pregnant... and me narrowly escaping a future as kitty foreman
You know shits really hit the fan when you start using public bathroom air freshener spray as perfume
what? where are you?
Randomize
