Note to Self: No matter how horny, turned on or in the moment you are, never go down on your gf after she had soccer practice.
i should write a book entitled 'the joys of being sexually objectified'
i just spent 10 minutes talking to the lady who works at taco bell about my romantic situation.
They are chanting tits for freedom and I'm highly considering
You've slept with me you know how lazy I am in bed.
People said that when they tried to talk to me I answered that there was a glass around my head stopping me from answering them
she asked how her costume looked and all i could say was bars are dark right?
He's in the hospital yelling at his brother to at least have stuck something "normal" up his ass.
Again?
My 19 year old brother just hooked up with his 45 year old cougar kindergarten teacher. These sorts of situations make me realize why the sorority girls call him Wondercock
Someone sharpied "COCK HUNGRY" on my butt cheeks last night. When the fuck did I have my ass out?
She thinks I'm afraid I'm gonna get caught in one of my lies and some of the girls I'm fucking will find out about each other. But it would be a relief to offload a few from the old crop and work in a few newbies into the rotation. The organization could use some new blood.
you can only text me tonight if its in drake lyrics. thats the rule
I've discovered my ability to crush a man's ego is greater than my hate for beer.
You've got to be fucking kidding me. Do you think "Husband drunkenly pees all over floors" is reasonable grounds for divorce? So pissed off right now.
You did things that should be illegal to a Twinkie and asked strangers to drive you home.
Randomize
