the only thing keeping me going right now is the knowledge that in 2 hours i'll be drunk at the circus.
He's so young, I keep getting a mental image of him in footie pajamas. It's cute but it's wrong. Or is it?
Just had a tv talk show interview in my mirror. Got into to some pretty heavy shit man, would have made good viewing.
Chicken wings don't come back up an through your nose as easily as you'd think
I just found a piece of glass in my ear from Saturday.
Is there a reason there's a dick print on my seventh-story window?
she cut her forehead open playing a drunken game of pin the tail on the donkey and now she's having a panic attack.
A boy in some branch of the military kissed me I think I'm going through an American sniper phase
Just bought a dildo. Happy first time single in four years Valentine's Day to me
"We hooked up and in the morning he emailed me his mix tape"
I wonder whether Megan will forgive me if i have phone sex in her attic
The condoms have been found. I repeat: THE CONDOMS HAVE BEEN FOUND. he isn't a collector!!!
I'm glad that we laid to rest the suspicion that he was keeping them in a scrapbook. yayy
You seem like the type to go to a craft sale baked out of your mind. I like you.
Just realized that I indirectly pay for sex through my cable bill
Wow. He is an expensive lay
I still have to figure out the cost per lay. It could be a financially sound investment
Shit day. Some kids decided to open my car at 3 AM while I was at work and the alarm went off. I went after them with a sword but they were minors so I didn't kill them.
Randomize
